Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
