Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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