Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
