I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
