fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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