It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
