She's JV to your varsity
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
