his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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