last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
