Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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