Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
how does that bad decision feel?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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