I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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