So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
