Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
