sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
