those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You can't special order awesome
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BRING THE BAGELS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
