I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
