I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to make out with him forever
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
