So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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