so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
