so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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