Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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