winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
