Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im about as happy as oj after his trial
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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