so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
