I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize