Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
