My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
