Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
