Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
