I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
