You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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