so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
