Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
