I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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