Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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