Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
