I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
