If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
