That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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