If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
