Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
