so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
