Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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