i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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