worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize