You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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