You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize