I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
