The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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