I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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