Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
