normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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