i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
