His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You ruined the universe
Randomize
