I'm so fucking centered right now
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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