first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
