NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
