I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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