the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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