Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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