This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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