My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
