So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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