Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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