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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
