Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
