I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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